Who is who?

Everyone seems so easy

Using some words to be their hype

Put the dictionary away

And create what they believe from what they see

Seriously?

Who are you?

Is your brain capability isn't enough

To produce lenghty word longer than tongue

The world doesn't made from imitation gold

It is nature

They were born within

They learn to grow and evaluate

Not imitating

Seriously?

Who is who?

Not the matter of time or euphoria

But people create something

To be seen

Not duplicate

Grow your green grass

Not by cutting them to sabotage mine

Seriously?

Who are you?

Who is who?

It's so hard just to claim what is mine

Menjadi Dewasa Itu

Mungkin begini rasanya menjadi dewasa

Ketika semua pilihan ada diujung jari

Tidak lagi menunggu jawaban persetujuan dari orang tua

Siap menerima apapun risiko nanti

Tak pernah terkira jika sekarang aku bukan lagi bayi

Yang setiap hari merengek meminta ASI

Sudah saatnya sekarang aku yang harus memberi

Meskipun tidak sejagat raya, tapi percayalah ini naluri

Ternyata menjadi orang dewasa itu nikmat

Semua rasa pernah dihadapi

Masalah yang datang tidak harus menjadikan sakit

Tapi membuat kita belajar untuk tetap bangun di pagi hari

Menjadi dewasa itu picik

Bukan ego yang kita junjung

Tapi ada banyak pilihan dan kebutuhan yang pelik

Yang selalu muncul setiap saat tidak ada ujung

Mungkin menjadi dewasa adalah anugerah

Tidak bisa terelakkan

Betapa nikmatnya memutar otak hingga jengah

Betapa asyiknya main muka hingga bosan

Dewasa sungguh bukan pilihan

Namun kewajiban

Tanggung jawab

Bukan hanya ijab

Shaping Love

We never find any right answers to this kind of question
How we can keep being in love?
Without knowing someday we lost them
Turning into ashes
And burn yourself down

Ten years can not keep love survive
Time really looks like shit and hell
The longer you hold
The weaker you will realize
That love is cheaper than your tears

Should we take a precaution before being in love?
Because some people do not want to be ruined
Harmed and hatred by their own body

Peaking to the future is a sin
But maybe we can bring some hoping stuff
To shape the love that we dream of
That we want to aim
That we want to cherish

Will love ever understand?
For not stopping in the false land
Just in case we do not agree

Love should be controlled by our hands
So they won't become oversize
Because we do not have to provide a bigger space for it
Bigger thing takes time

Or can we just make a deal before love landing in the new place?
Delaying the flight just a couple of minutes
To discuss
Whether we should go home
Or fly

Let's dream together
Till we can certain what shape of love that we should accept.

Short Escape

Let's start the engine

The police will show up at nine

We have to leave before sunrise

The sooner the better

Feeling separated so far away

From my own flesh

Looking for a new soul

And happiness

Wake up honey

It's four in the morning

Wash your body

And take the key

To the beach

To the mountain

We drive along

With music on

I don't care if it's raining

As long as I don't see any buildings

And people complaining

As long as I travel with you

And enough money

This could be the continuous driving

We ever made

27 hours non-stop

And looking back to the bed we used to sleep

Next sunset is ready to catch up

It's time to put down the car

And having a nice cup of tea

I'll miss you

With the shortest time I had

Infinite Emptiness

We at least try to be a good person
Affected by the people we knew for a long time
Or people we barely knew
Even a stranger.

If you think you can change the world by being a good person
You might be wrong
They do not need your empathy or tears
Everyone needs non fiction result.

Still thinking about being a good person is hard?
I guess so
Do not assume if you keep quite for what you've seen
You can be called as a kind man
People will yelled at you
Calling you a scumbag.

Guilty will haunt you, endlessly
Like you will sleep like a baby no more
Chewing a bit candy
Instead of a shining wrapper.

You all gonna be doomed by assumptions
End up being a garbage
Throw out to a trash can no one will find.

The heart will ripped out
Trade the soul for the evil
Like what Nicolas ever did.

Defining Times

It's only twenty-four hours in a day

When others can do 5 kinds of task

While you only sit in the chair doing nothing

Merely having an empty stare or fluffy eyes

Sixty minutes can be used to dig a grave and growing a grass

While we only spending it by eating something pricey

But then lasts in photo only

What time is it?

You keep your hands busy to look for your phone to respond

While others would raise their hands to show off the time

How many times do you need?

More than everyone needs

Less than a death comes 

But longer to confess the sin respectfully

I can not tell people about my time

There's a tentative barrier during my setting

But still, time is a very important thing to me

And how I define time?

It's short thing that either you will take it or leave it

Depress you when you don't make it fully

Put a detail attention to the time that won't last

To the time that won't stay

Unless you reserve it like a rose in the garden

What's time for me?

A honey to the Pooh.

The Flaws

Morning won’t come any faster.

Not today, in the mid of summer.

The sun is up, but the wind blows hard.

A drizzle of the rain dropped, make all cars ugly.

With a slight of mud in the back of the trunk.

Nobody sees, they all have the same flaws.

Like exactly what people will look at you.

You let them see the pain, the more they don’t care.

Shittiest thing happened to many people.

Problems hit everyone on the road.

The ugly car won’t ruin your days, but the clean one does.

But the right thing will stay the same, don’t try to trade it.

Brain is a thing you trained by knowledge.

But feeling, something you can’t learn through machine.

It fits you, in any forms of shape.

They don’t see if you’re rich or ugly.

What makes people different?

The only answer you can get is by asking them.

Not only judge by the way they holding a cup of coffee.

Is there anything better than a don’t judge by it’s cover quote?

I don’t think so either. So do you.

Do not worry when someone hit your car in the middle of the rain.

The thing you have to worry about is, when the car hit people who walk in the road when it’s raining.

Be good, maybe they will do the same upon you.

In The Name of Losing

They never touch, or seduce me.

But my mind is high and loud, thought they will be coming after me.

Holding my breaths away and send them to the moon.

Trespassing the stars and meteors.

How I am so jealous of my own breaths.

They are the first thing will always come up with a super dream.

What else can I get?

The lightly sparks in the moon make my nerves calm.

Making my eyes shut, and my mouth dry.

There’s a soul in the moon land, in the name of curiosity and love.

Wondering what a soul can do in the place with no hope and tears.

Where else we can go?

They have not pick the other soul to sell.

For all I know, there’s only one stone in the dune, lonely.

The feeling transfers to my mind.

It sickening, how I will end up without no one fly to pick me up.

What else I can do?

The uncertainty of time is evil.

My soul becomes rough, freezing and weak.

Like your butter soaps in the end of the month.

I though I might die. Without knowing where’s my soul landed.

Who else will go to save mine?

Let the nature sum it up.

And tell me when I lie down in the grave for the name of losing.

The Happiness Project #2

In terms of searching for happiness

It's Diana Rikasari's book

It's Only A Question

Who doesn't need love?

Bipolar Seizure

If a heart can be measured

I wonder how

They never told me before

Long before sun rises

Two hands clap at the same time

Catching bees and flower

Upgrading my fingers to solitude colour

The red with a little hot one

Seize me up

Seize my heart up

There's an abnormal result

Not as good as baby's heart

But it seems as bad as oldies heart

Seize me up

Seize my heart up

There's a flaw in my lung

Better the smokes vanish

Or hiding

Seize me up

Seize my heart up

Till there's a spoon to my plate

Once In A Time

Years ago before me knowing about heels

Something shining and shimmering

Ugly duck face with no attracting

Wearing only shirt and lame jeans

Walking by closed face

And lips sealed

Curly hair is something I never try

Buying lipstick only once in a year

Getting super everlasting powder

With a nice colour

I stand like a clown

Dusty clothes

Unmatching top

Unelastic socks

That's the time

When butterfly live in my head

Running up and down

Hundred times

Unique glasses haven't exist

Makes me look dull

And stupid

But that's the time

A cat seems so cute

A card smells so nice

Unchanged butterfly

And shiny eyes

I still keep those cats

Once in a time.

The Happiness Project #1

In terms of searching a happiness

The Happiest Goodbye

We will see

Something better and brighter

Running from the sky

Turning to our heart

Something unseen

Not even by the expensive glass

We can see by the heart

The functional one

I know something

About the scary future

And the lame past

I know we can not

Undo the past

Forward the future

I am afraid

Of losing something

I can barely touch

And understand

We know

Life as we know it

We do not know

Life as we do not know it

What life can bring you up

What life can turn you down

Falling apart

Broke

I know

We have to accept

Life as we do not know

The past that kills you

We will remember

As we reminiscing yesterday

And hoping for a better day

We will see him again

Someday in the old journal

Laughing and ashamed

Good bye

I'll see you on the next decade

A past to be remember.

Dia Sebelum Kamu

Aku takut

Jika dia akan datang

Sebelum kamu

Merampas kedamaian

Merebut semua khayalan

Meleburkannya menjadi abu

Menyaru menjadi satu

Tak terlihat mana batu dan kayu

Menerjemahkan aku

Dalam dimensi dan definisi

Yang sebelumnya tak pernah ada

Namun sekarang nyata

Datanglah kamu

Sebelum dia

Sebelum aku menjadi bunga

Dan dia menjadi putiknya

Aku takut

Jika lebah menjauhiku

Dan semut berputar pulang

Cepatlah datang

Karena jika dia mendahului

Kamu tidak akan mengerti

Meski aku memberi api

Kamu akan melihatnya sebagai api

Bukan hanya lampu bersinar

Yang aku paksa membakar kertas-kertas terkoyak

Aku takut

Jika dia mendahului kamu

Mengikat tali di pergelangan tanganku

Memegang erat kakiku

Menutup rapat-rapat

Semua pintu menuju imajinasi

Datanglah

Sebelum dia

Kecup tanganku

Sembunyikan aku

Hingga tersisa hanya kamu

Agar aku percaya

Bahwa aku tidak buta.

A Year Older

I walk from the beach to the hill

Needs so much times

More than a full moon phase

But I think it's less than a moon eclipse

I try to deny

That I am getting tired

My head dazzling

My nose bleeding

My foot trembling

And my self cursing

I think I will gonna collapse

Before anyone see me happy

I think I am going to surrender

Before I say thank you to everyone

Who helped me

But I see them

Holding my hand

Shaking my body

Starting to call my name loudly

I think I won't hear them, again

The sound of big roaring

The sound of wide laugh

And super awesome jokes

But then I wake up

Opening my eyes

That I can still breathe

I can still cry

And hold their hands

Warmly

I think I am going to give up this long adventure

But now I know

There's always a rope

When my foot falls

There's always a smile

When my face bitter

I believe in You

To a very wonderful

Joyful life

I thank You

I am now feeling blessed

I am now holding my lips

To release the unnecessary pain

And useless cursing

I know that happiness

Does exist.

Same Old Rain

Be aware of a rabbit start to lawn your grass

They need some food when it's flood

They need a little sugar to their blood vein

Be careful for a bird to moan at your balcony

They need some places to hide them from a dark clouds

They need a little sympathy

Watch out your foot

It might a mouse you will trample

Or an hungry frog

Look up your head

There's something fall down

It might makes you dizzy

Be prepare for an umbrella, today

It will rain

As yesterday

Same old rain

As months before.

Wednesday Sky

Do not looking up at the ceiling
while I am reading your fav poetry
Just look for a glimpse inside my eyes
Stand there for a minute or two

What do you see?

There's a long silence
Before you open up your mouth to say,

I saw a rainbow
Then now closed by a bit dark sky
But it's not the point
I only saw an ant
Climbing a rock hill

He surprised me

Never thought of anyone could think
Any of those sights

I get up
And leave him alone at the ceiling
He called me

Do not leaving me at the ceiling
Just stand there and look at my eyes

What do you see?
It's only a sky
With a black bird and a mountain
Like your drawing when you're four

Is that all?

What should I say?

Did you just made up all those things before?

No,
I saw the same thing as what you've seen

What do you see?

A sky.
At today, a sky in Wednesday.

Coming Home Soon

Afternoon never feels like home, before
It warms us, on the cold night
Tear us down when the fan is off

There's a book shelf, containing thick paper
You say that you love to read me a book
Till I smile and start to close my eyes
Under the orange lamp and a heavy wind

Afternoon never feels like home, after
Flood coming down to the loft
Erasing all good stories and lovely smile
He's all disappeared, gone
With the very last smile I know

Now it's only a cream blanket and your green shirt
Left me speechless
Heartless

People said you never go home, till forever
But I know you will come
To my wildest dream
Through your soundless whisper

To tell me
That you're going to come home
Very soon.

I woke up the next morning,
Realize
The only thing I saw is an empty blanket
With a letter on it, saying
I am coming home, soon.

Heterogenic Mind

Green stars below the orange moon

Night becomes so soft & airy

I stand between the shadow of your black cat who used to live near my garden

Chasing a little mouse who walk slowly at the roof

Tonight's sky is not as black as your fav jaguar

He turns gray, like my nanny's thin hair

But not as gray as your new phone

But I still know, that

Deep in your thought

The sky was red

And the moon was blue

The stars not shining

But they just past the sun

The goat do not eating green grass

But purple coal

Who made them delicious

But who cares

You invent a lonely guy who passed the moon

And visit the empty planet

Just to meet his guardian

But who cares

You create the most dangerous phrases

The most beautiful ideas

And turn them to money

But who cares

Who cares

You intermediate my brain

Articulate my nerves.

A Long Distance Lover

You were born in the spring season

Where flowers blossom like a sugar

Where a bird yell louder than a public choir

And fly higher than a jet plane

I was raised in a land without sand and track

Where wombs will came out and look for a string

Where a cat can run faster than your 5yo kid rides a bike

Where your father just sit and watch you smile

You were raised in a city full of joy & laughter

Fulfilling every sadness mind

And empty soul

Cutting a bad joke & satire story

I used to live in a place called miracle

The sun was yellow but sometimes blue

The river not always flow but it always looks tasty

I saw you there, once

When I pick my candy next to your ice cream cone

You are now gone

To the world I never know

To the language I may not understand

Or maybe you just disappear

To make a distance

To see if love still grows even when we're apart for a long time

How far love can separate heart to their beats?

I don't think it takes a very long distance away.

July 5th

Run away

So people won't chase

Or they won't remember you

So peope don't kill

Or don't shoot you.

Run away

So happiness can find you

Or not

So kindness will catch you

Or not.

Run away

So you can hide the shame

Or they will blame

So you can free from your mistake

Or they will take away your pride.

Run away

Cause I don't know what to do

Run away

Cause maybe I can be another people

Run away

Cause maybe I will find you

Between the thombs and storms.

The Answer of My Own Questions

Jika di kemudian hari seseorang menghampiri dan bertanya kepadaku apa yang kau harapkan dalam hidup, maka aku akan menjawabnya sebagai ketenangan dan kebaikan, mungkin sedikit kebahagiaan.

Dan jika suatu saat dokter menanyaiku ketika aku berobat, apa keluhan kau selama ini, akan ku jawab tak ada keluhan apapun dalam hidupku, kecuali keluhanku terhadap diriku kenapa tak dapat merasa cukup atas semua yang telah Tuhan beri.

Bagaimana jika koki masak bintang lima mendatangiku dan bertanya, mengapa kau tidak makan dengan lahap padahal menurut semua orang masakanku sangatlah nikmat, maka jawabanku adalah bukan tidak enak makanan yang ku makan saat ini, namun aku sedang berfikir kenapa aku harus menghabiskan uang hanya untuk sepiring kecil kue, sedangkan roti di pasar saja cukup mengenyangkan.

Ataupun jika tiba-tiba penjaga toko baju menghampiriku dengan tatap curiga dan bertanya, apa lagi yang ditunggu, kenapa tidak coba saja dan langsung beli, aku harus menjawab sudah banyak celana yang kupunya, mungkin aku belum membutuhkan yang baru.

Namun, jika secara tak terduga malaikat pencabut nyawa mendatangiku dalam mimpi dan bertanya apa yang bisa kau bawa untuk tidak masuk neraka, jawabanku adalah aku tak punya jawabannya, karena aku belum punya apa-apa.

Semua orang dapat membeli apapun, intan permata, mutiara bahkan lautan. Apakah bekal itu yang akan kalian bawa hingga liang kubur.

Jika diantaranya kau bagikan kepada yang butuh, aku turut bahagia.

Aku juga masih belajar.

Untuk dapat membawa bekal terbaik menuju kesana.

Some of my dedication to Murakami's masterpiece and many books of his

Some people may starting to like him, there is no harm result by loving him, cause loving him is not a sin or forbidden. Loving him is like getting so much energy come inside through the brain to the heart, flushing around cheek and ear. Soundless meaning, but lovable thought. Writing about him is difficult somehow, you just can not put as beautiful as he wrote on every single pages.

I never write a full review of his novels, but I assure you that I always amazed on how he finished the stories. He fulfill my knowledge and imagination, my vocabularies and strange love definition. I'd like to thank him on his birthday a month ago, but unfortunately I forgot to continue this ode to his masterpieces.

Celebrate a happy moment never have an expired date.
Happy Birthday, Murakami.

Love,
N

The Worst Month

To think that I won't be agree

If new year gave you wonderful spirit

Unless it brings you money.

I think welcoming a new month is a good thing

But turns out to be not as good as what everyone thought.

I thank God that this month is pass.

Eventhough it isn't as fast as December lasts.

Wishing me always get higher believe and cheerful day.

May everything and money be with me.

The Outlier

Something puts me back to the time when I am no longer having pain

No longer having moods and interests

The worst is yet to come

But I can tell

Not that I am a fortune or future teller

I just feel it, but with no worries

Nothing worries me much

Except when I can't drink when I am thirsty

Coming to a stage where I have no guts for anything

Having no interactions with anyone

Becoming an outrageous almost mature woman is not easy

I do not avoid vivid or lucid reality

But it looks more like a bad dream

So I just want to wake up and walk

Breathing with the different kind of air

Talking with no focus on the brain

And anything that cause me nothing

I was confuse before

My head feels like a blank paper with no ink

I can not think or argue

I am becoming an outlier to my own self

Can not defense what my head wants

And can not beat up what my heart needs

Tap and fill me to your deepest well

So we can think together

So I am no longer become a lost flesh without bone