This is

This is the day when you think you're mature enough to choose but absolutely you're wrong.

This is the day when you think you're old enough to accept what life is but actually you're not even ready.

This is the day when you think you're strong enough to walk away from your closest people but the next day you will come to them begging for sorry.

This is the day when you think you're smart enough to lie to your own self but in reality you can not face the world by lying.

This is the day when you think you're weak enough to say tired but you have to know there are some people getting tired raising you up.

This is the time when you think you can let go of all your childhood but it will always stay in your heart.

This is time when you think you can be independet but you will always know that you need your parent.

This is the right time to cry.

Ain't Gonna Get You

I walk this far

To finally realize

You're a good thing

In my entire day.

I run this fast

To know about

How I can not stop

Thinking about your mind.

I dance like crazy

To fulfill my hope

Before it's getting

Too high and

Dry.

I eat like a pig

To forget everything

We've been through

All these times.

I try harder

To get everything

Back in track

Because I know

Ain't gonna get you.

Kemudian

Aku kemudian jatuh cinta

Kepada dia yang sudah ku tahu pasti tak mungkin bisa bersama

Lantas aku jatuh cinta

Dengan seseorang yang mendengar namanya saja otakku memuja

Dan aku akhirnya jatuh cinta

Kepada lelaki yang senyumnya, tingkah lakunya padaku yang membuat aku semakin jatuh cinta.

Hingga akhirnya aku jatuh cinta

Tidak pada lubang yang sama, namun jelas jalan kita berbeda.

Tapi aku tetap jatuh cinta

Kepadamu yang bisa membuat hatiku berdegup kencang

Aku jatuh cinta

Karena hanya dia yang dapat membuatku jatuh cinta.

Tanpa tanya mengapa

Kenapa

Apa

Dan bagaimana.

Aku jatuh cinta padanya

Untuk yang kesekian kalinya.

Love, N

2Q14

Another damn birthday.

To think I am going to have my twenty first birthday in this incomprehensible world, of all places!

2Q14

That was where I was now.

Q is for "question mark"

A world that bears a question.

(Adopted from Murakami's finest novel "1Q84")

Yo!

I miss you

Like the bee can not life without her sting

I miss you

Like romeo sacrifice his life for juliet

I miss you

Feels like the air not containing any oxygen anymore

And I miss you

Because I can not talk to you

Even for a word

Or a phrase

That

I miss

You.

Plaid

So.

I fall in love today.

In a shape of plaid.

Like cube.

But it is not.

Well.

Good day.

Friday.

May 22nd

I love arguing something

I love discussing everything

The time that finally I can talk as much as I can

The day that finally I can think as free as I can

Again.

I have to loose my definition of happiness

Should I give up everything that I believe it will become my happiness?

Or.

Should I never be happy for the entire of my life?

So.

I will not hurt anyone by anything what happened to me.

The moment when I can feel so much happy till smile widely.

The second I get to know that happiness is a very bless thing people have.

The night I have a nice dream.

Thanks for even making me happy effortlessly.

Thanks for the time you could give to me endlessly.

Thanks for good talk even I am not ask to.

It's always exciting to know you better.

From past, now and then.

May 17th

The moment when you feel happy but make others not.

The time when you actually meet what you want, but make others jealous.

Is this the life you talked before?

Is this the thing that you should do?

I've warned my self not to notice for whatever that took my happiness.

But, how if my happiness itself took away from me? 

Should I let them go?

So I change my kind of happiness.

I change my perspective about what being happy should be.

I find another point of view.

What is it?

Like a pandora box.

Full of secret.

But surely will make you the happiest person in the world.

I know what the best thing in my life.

Not you.

Sorry for ignoring what you told me.

Sorry for not being a good person before.

Today, I promise my self not to consider you as a part of my life.

Thanks for everything you gave.

Thanks for everything we've been through.

My love will always with you.

April 16th; before mid exam right away.

Wish me super luck in this very last day before mid exam is over

May I gain strength and power

God will remain your prays.

Xo, N.

Do you love her so much?

This is the first question come up from my head

Not for the first time

Not only for today

Been the whole year I am wondering

So I ask you today

Whether you like it or not

You deserve this or not

You feel it or not

You want to answer or not

The only answer I want to know

Is the truth what happened between you and her

What's been you've through

How do you find her

Why do you choose her

Why do you want her to be yours

Dear, All

Do you love her that much?

So you can show it to the world for loving her no matter people talk about you

Do you love her that much?

So you can deny the feeling before you meet her

Do you love her that much?

So you can walk her to the aisle saying a vow

Do you love her so much?

So you can make everyone jealous of both of you

Or you just do that because you've trapped in a realtionship with her

Or you show the entire world that you love her instead of you can not do anything but you have to be with her in term of your habit

Dear, All guys in this planet

Do you love your very best girlfriend so much?

Mother, How Are You Today?

2 Days Ago

It was her birthday

Could not be happier

Even if she's at home and all of her children not around her

But everyone remember her

Always remember her birthday

Saying happy birthday on the text message

Wishing her life granted and getting better

Got an euphoria

Happy face came through

That was maybe her best day

Even if that was not

Happy 51th birthday, mother.

Yesterday

I just texted her in the morning

Asked about a green tupperware that i could use it for my lunch

I thought she's okay that day after her very best day

Then I heard that she went to doctor

Obviously I was wondering what happened with her

She's not used to go to doctor

And I heard that news

She's got a kind of ill that made her can not walk in a while

Today

As of today she still in her ill

I ask my sister how is she

She's stiil doing the same thing a whole day

Laying down in the bed

Can not doing anything

Just sleep

Beause she's too weak to do everything

She always wake up in the morning doing everything in her own

But now she's only lay down on her bed

Seems like i want to ask her everyday

Mother, how are you today?

What I Like The Most

This is the style what I like the most.

Using jeans, skirt and only wear a simple bag.

But what matters is her hair.

Her short hair.

Her simple black shoes.

Her skinny bone.

She's perfect.

I am not usually into something.

But with her, I am.

I love what she's wearing.

I love what she's doing.

And I love what she's up to.

March 15th

Say something, I am giving up on you😔😷😐😶😑👩

We Are The Future Leaders; One Step Closer

Seperti kebanyakan pemuda, mempunyai banyak harapan dan cita-cita untuk bangsanya. Sudah banyak pemuda-pemudi Indonesia mulai banyak membangun gerakan-gerakan nasionalisme untuk kemajuan bangsa.

Namun apakah semua pemuda mempunyai harapan yang sama?

Ingat saat Indonesia mengalami Masa Reformasi, pemuda?

Atau hanya gambar bercerita saja yang kalian baca?

Pemuda tidak hanya membangun bangsanya lewat politik negara.

Moral dan etika pun bibit pembangun bangsa.

Apakah pemuda sudah siap untuk memperbaikinya?

Setidaknya pemuda harus bisa membuat satu langkah kedepan untuk bangsa negara.

Pemuda sudah seharusnya meninggalkan suka bukan duka.

Pemuda sudah semestinya membayar apa yang telah negara ini beri pada mereka.

Satu langkah lebih cepat pemuda membuat perubahan akan merubah bangsa ini menjadi mutiara.

Mutiara yang tak terkira harganya.

Bahkan mengalahkan film berpiala Maya.

March 6th

What you said it might be what you'll through. It never be wrong. Never.

I just said that I want to cry, yesterday.

And today I cry.

Hearing such a bad news.

Again.

God, did you really make my heart from a glass? It can easily broke and fix.

At the same time.

Without nude. Even a day or a week.

I know that sometimes life is not as beautiful as drama. Not as bad as drama.

But it feels more painful.

Imagining something you can not through. Because I know what happened, but I can not do anything.

I keep silent like a lion sleeps.

Once you bother me, I mad.

Once you touch me, I cry.

Louder.

Getting louder.

Even louder than a sirine.

I am 20 years old.

I know everything I am not supposed to know.

But I am worrying alone.

God, help me.

Help my family.

March 2nd

Feeling so confuse yet happy

Going back to a place where I should be the very first caption

To a place when I got the full of joy

Even if it can not be told as a joy

However

I do not want to back to a place where told me that I was lost

I do not want to give my half imagination to think about what people said that I was miserable

I am just confusing something not really into my mind

But it just comes up

May God finish the rest of this confusion

What's up?

What's up?

She's Kiko Mizuhara

Another model I admire a lot, besides Cara Delevingne and Alexa Chung.

She's Japanesse

That's one of the reason why I admire her so much. Too much.

HER HAIR JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I ENVY HER HAIR!!!!!!!

Yellow

"Your skin 

Oh yeah your skin and bones 

Turn into something beautiful 

D'you know you know I love you so 

You know I love you so"

This song ringing softly in my mind

I remember you sang this song

In that night

Whispering something you could say

In a rythme of melody

Working on something crazy

And I am just sitting

Pretending not to notice

But I was full of thinking

In that day

I am simply happy

And actually happiness is as simple as Yellow song.

Feb 22nd

I love the way I react in front of you

I love the way I see your eyes

I love the way we talked

So we never have a distance

I love the way you smile

I love the way you laugh hardly

I love the way you told me something funny

I love the way I crush on you

I love the way I keep by my self

I love the way I could be a friend

But

I love the way you look at me most.

Feb 21st

Still missing seeing someone is the hardest part of everything that happens

While you are seeing someone else but I am just sitting here remembering something

We do not know what the best for us

We do not know either to just become a good enough friend

But I did

And you did not

When in the end of the street is the only choice i had

So I turn around and said, let's moving out

Out from our comfort place

Walking door to door

To finally close another door

Missing something that never can be replaced

Is something that annoying

So here I am writing

Feb 17th

Today is my first day in sixth semester

I am a little bit happy

Why?

Because it means i will graduate soon

And today

I learn new thing

A thing that will affects my whole semester

Apalagi kalau bukan MOAL

Mini Office Accounting Lab

Do you know what that means?

It likes we have our own company

Running our company from start till get the profit

Well

Pray for me

Bismillah!

Home where we should belong

Why should we call home as a paradise if there are not any happiness we found there

Why would we stay at home and feel like a palace if there are not any certain things in this place could make us safe

Why could i return to the home sometimes if i wanna go home but there are not love in between anymore

Home is where the fire feels like an ice

Home is where stone looks like a paper

But then we can not find

Feb 10th

She was gone before she could be the people she wanted to be

She was left before people finally knew her name

She was mad before knowing that universe never let her go

She was angry before the thing that she believed becoming truth

She was quit before loving another person except herself.

She was an ephipany

She was an euphoria

She is an obituary.

Feb 6th

Yey! I've got a new friend!💃

Welcome to my sorrority life

February

This is February

We've been through 1per12 of this new year

So March and the other month will be coming so fast

People will be calling this month as love month

But me?

It is just February like usual

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes It's in front of your eyes
 
And I never want to let you down  
Forgive me if I slip away  
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground  
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away  
From this crazy world

If you ever heard that song
February song from Josh groban

The prayer

I spell a pray
Like a curse
Never stop
And has no end.

My prayer goes to something
Something I should fight for.

So I just pray
Wherever I get a chance to pray
In the morning
In the night
Even in my dream.

So this never end with nothing.

Jan 29th

Today is my-i don't know how long-holiday was gone

I look for something thoughtful to spend these days

And i always back to read a book and eat like a pig

I found some interesting books few weeks ago before the holiday coming up

I already read 2 books in 2days

One from my very favorite not last but not least the genius John Green

And the humorous writer i've ever found Sophie Kinsella

But the rest of the hours that i spend my time for reading

I get bored

Yeah, I am easily distracted person, actually

And I still don't know what should i do for the next day

Until 2weeks

Should I get going to some course?

Emm no, no mood for taking any class

Maybe I will spend my day writing, reading and watching movies.

Well, it's my random thought.

Jan 28th

For the first time, I fell

Into the words undescribeable

Into the silence unbearable

Into the love untouchable.

For the first time, I am happy

For letting you come into my door

For letting you in to my sight

For letting you go without a tear.

For the first time, I confuse

What this would be

What this could be

What this gonna happen.

I am not worrying mine.

I am worrying ours.

Late Jan 11th

I am worrying about what my life would be
Nobody knows what the end of their lives
Everything seems so clueless
So mine, too.

I just don't get a good relationship with people
I am afraid of hurting
I am afraid with people
They might hurt me
Or they might eat me alive.

I am nobody desired
One of million people who might really care
But the rest of it, I don't know.

You must be watching this!!!!!!

For a New Beginning. 2014.

In out-of-the-way places of the heart

where your thoughts never think to wander

this beginning has been quietly forming

waiting until you were ready to emerge.

for a long time it has watched your desire

feeling the emptiness growing inside you

noticing how you willed yourself on

still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

it watched you play with seduction of safety

and the grey promises that sameness whispered

heard the waves of turnoil rise and relent

wondered would you always live like this.

then the delight, when your courage kindled

and out you stepped onto new ground

your eyes young again with energy and dream

a path of plenitude opening before you.

though your destination is not yet clear

you can trust the promise of this opening

unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

that is at one with your life's desire.

awaken your spirit to adventure

hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk

soon you will be home in a new rythm

for your soul senses the world that awaits you.

John O'Donohue

Happy New Year